Tip #29

"New phone, who dis" is truly the only acceptable way to respond to a text from someone you haven't spoken to in months.

Tip #28

If you're on a date and they're asking you about your family, don't automatically assume they're asking because they're going to track down your family and murder them. This indicates interest and is part of how someone gets to know you. I know. It'll take some getting used to.

Tip #27

What he first notices about a girl

What he says: Eyes

What he means: BUTT

Bad Tip #2

The best way to show a new girl that you are into her is to send her a picture of your genitals. If she doesn't immediately respond with gratitude, you should kick her to the curb because she's probably a lesbian and/or doesn't appreciate the finer things in life.

Tip #27

If you go on a break with someone to "find yourself," don't be surprised if they also "find themselves" wanting something totally different than being with you.

Bad Tip #1

Gradually introduce someone to your crazy until they're fully committed, and then after you meet their friends and parents, let it out like a fire hose. They'll be in too deep to tell you to get your shit together and walk away!

Tip #26

You should never feel like you have to prove your worth to someone.*

*Unless you played Barbies until you were like, 12. Then you might need to put in a little effort convincing them.