Tip #21

If they haven't stalked the living shit out of your pictures on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Google + Profile, LinkedIn, Myspace, Livejournal, and talked to your Kindergarten teacher... they're just not that into you.

Tip #20

Giving Someone Your Number:

You know how they say that the longer someone is missing, the less likely it is that they'll be found alive? Giving someone your phone number is kinda like that. The more time that passes after giving someone your number, the less likely they are to ever text/call.

Tip #19

Be nice: Guys think you like them
Be mean: Guys think you like them
Be obsessed with cats: Guys just want to be friends

Tip #18

If you build it, they will......... assume you don't need them or their help, and stop texting.

Tip #17

If you're not DTF (down to f***), you have to tell them immediately! Nowadays, the default assumption is that you're DTF, not that you want to date.

#RIPcourtship

Tip #16

Anyone worth your time will trip over themselves to talk to you/see you.

Tip #15

If you must text or call someone to break up with them, it's best to do it when they're not at work.

Tip #14

If you've dated the same shitty people over and over again, it's time to change it up. Different hair,  different elbow shape, different style nostrils... the world is your oyster.

Tip #13

Avoid scheduling dates around the time you're going to have a dermatologist remove things from your body. Cauterized wounds look a little bit like herpes.

Tip #12

If you text them again after not speaking for many months and they say, "who is this?" do not respond with a knock knock joke.

If you MUST respond with a knock knock joke, at least try not to use that really weird one that no one ever understands.

Tip #11

I know it's tempting, but once you make it awkward, don't announce how awkward you just made it in attempts to make it less awkward. You're making it more awkward.

Tip #10

If he picks you up and is wearing a white undershirt, it's not a date.

Tip #9

Ghosting begins with a, "sorry I suck at texting" or "oops didn't see this til just now." Nobody sucks at texting these days. Peoples' mothers are texting and asking their kids how they're doing. You're being ghosted, son.

Tip #8

Chances are, a dude with a FBG$ tattoo on the inside of his lip won't REALLY want to watch Netflix with you.

Tip #7

You probably won't find your soulmate and true love on Tinder. I said probably won't, not definitely won't. But probably won't.

Tip #6

Protection may not feel sexy, but neither does gonorrhea.

Tip #5

If he quotes a Jesse McCartney song, he's not for you.

Tip #4

Cleaning out your bong really well isn't something to brag about on a first date. Just don't.