Bad Tip #3

If they come right out and ask "what's wrong with you? why are you single?" give them something fun to work with. Great responses include:

• "My therapist says I'm a sociopath"
• "I'm a kleptomaniac"
• "I've been told I'm racist"
• "I'm messaging you from prison"
• "I'm sexually attracted to meerkats"
• "I'm still being breastfed"
• "Persistent halitosis"
• "I have really tiny knees. Like, the knees of a 2 year old"

Can you think of anything I missed?

Bad tip #4

Go on your crush's Facebook and like their very first profile picture-- from the early 2000's. Let them know what you're about.

Bad Tip #2

The best way to show a new girl that you are into her is to send her a picture of your genitals. If she doesn't immediately respond with gratitude, you should kick her to the curb because she's probably a lesbian and/or doesn't appreciate the finer things in life.

Bad Tip #1

Gradually introduce someone to your crazy until they're fully committed, and then after you meet their friends and parents, let it out like a fire hose. They'll be in too deep to tell you to get your shit together and walk away!