Tip #57

Try not to creep TOO far back in your crush’s social media/pictures. You will see them kissing their ex, and it will disturb you. I don’t care how late at night it is, how cute they are, or how curious you are. Stay strong ~

Tip #56

If you're like me and don't want to date someone that still lives with their parents, you may have figured out creative ways of figuring out if they still live at home. Here are some of my favorites:

• Do you rent or own?
• How is the rent out there?
• I looked for a house in that area. Are the taxes still super high?
• Do you live near your parents?
• Do you get to visit your parents often?
• Do you have roommates? 

I've had some crafty (read: dishonest) people dodge each and every question quite skillfully, but it's at least a good start. And to answer your next question, yes, I did think about a career as a private investigator.

Tip #44

Some people have really weird, annoying voices. Don't date those people.

Tip #43

Don't give your last name to someone from Tinder, because they WILL Google you.... and memorize your address and work history from your LinkedIn profile.

Tip #42

Dating is super difficult when you're unemployed. And there's just no good way to work that into a conversation. Maybe put the dating thing on hold until you're contributing to society again?

Tip #33

If at all possible, poop BEFORE your date. Trust me, when you're gone for longer than 5 minutes, they know what you're doing. POOPING.

Tip #32

Nothing good happens on Tinder after 9pm on a weekend. Or... like, ever. But ESPECIALLY those times.

Tip #31

Guys: If a girl buys you clothes, she's trying to tell you she hates the way you dress. Gym shorts and old high school tee shirts aren't sexy.

Also: nobody cares that you were regional football champs in 2005.

Tip #30

Take a look at the friends and family of the person you're dating. If they're all shitty people, chances are, the person you're dating is shitty too.

Tip #22

It's TOTALLY acceptable to block someone if they don't get a "living in a van down by the river" reference.

Tip #13

Avoid scheduling dates around the time you're going to have a dermatologist remove things from your body. Cauterized wounds look a little bit like herpes.

Tip #10

If he picks you up and is wearing a white undershirt, it's not a date.

Tip #8

Chances are, a dude with a FBG$ tattoo on the inside of his lip won't REALLY want to watch Netflix with you.

Tip #6

Protection may not feel sexy, but neither does gonorrhea.

Tip #5

If he quotes a Jesse McCartney song, he's not for you.

Tip #4

Cleaning out your bong really well isn't something to brag about on a first date. Just don't.

Tip #3

Don't tell someone you've had your asshole licked on the first date.