Tip #31

Guys: If a girl buys you clothes, she's trying to tell you she hates the way you dress. Gym shorts and old high school tee shirts aren't sexy.

Also: nobody cares that you were regional football champs in 2005.

Tip #30

Take a look at the friends and family of the person you're dating. If they're all shitty people, chances are, the person you're dating is shitty too.

Tip #29

"New phone, who dis" is truly the only acceptable way to respond to a text from someone you haven't spoken to in months.

Tip #28

If you're on a date and they're asking you about your family, don't automatically assume they're asking because they're going to track down your family and murder them. This indicates interest and is part of how someone gets to know you. I know. It'll take some getting used to.

Tip #27

What he first notices about a girl

What he says: Eyes

What he means: BUTT

Bad Tip #2

The best way to show a new girl that you are into her is to send her a picture of your genitals. If she doesn't immediately respond with gratitude, you should kick her to the curb because she's probably a lesbian and/or doesn't appreciate the finer things in life.

Tip #27

If you go on a break with someone to "find yourself," don't be surprised if they also "find themselves" wanting something totally different than being with you.