Tip #57

Try not to creep TOO far back in your crush’s social media/pictures. You will see them kissing their ex, and it will disturb you. I don’t care how late at night it is, how cute they are, or how curious you are. Stay strong ~

Tip #56

If you're like me and don't want to date someone that still lives with their parents, you may have figured out creative ways of figuring out if they still live at home. Here are some of my favorites:

• Do you rent or own?
• How is the rent out there?
• I looked for a house in that area. Are the taxes still super high?
• Do you live near your parents?
• Do you get to visit your parents often?
• Do you have roommates? 

I've had some crafty (read: dishonest) people dodge each and every question quite skillfully, but it's at least a good start. And to answer your next question, yes, I did think about a career as a private investigator.

Tip #55

Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT give out your social media accounts to someone you don't know very well. Think of this: maybe you went out with them a handful of times, and they ghosted you... now you have to see Snapchats of them taking shots at the bar. Do the right thing. Tell them you barely use social media until you know they're not a dick.

Also, this has not happened to me... like, definitely has never happened to me...

Tip #54

Ask them what they do for work ASAP. It's a totally appropriate thing to ask, and it'll let you know if they're texting you from the bathtub in the middle of the day because they're unemployed. If you don't mind dating someone unemployed, may I suggest using Tinder as a dating app? You'll love it.

Bad Tip #3

If they come right out and ask "what's wrong with you? why are you single?" give them something fun to work with. Great responses include:

• "My therapist says I'm a sociopath"
• "I'm a kleptomaniac"
• "I've been told I'm racist"
• "I'm messaging you from prison"
• "I'm sexually attracted to meerkats"
• "I'm still being breastfed"
• "Persistent halitosis"
• "I have really tiny knees. Like, the knees of a 2 year old"

Can you think of anything I missed?

Tip #53

Bring cash on dates, just in case things go poorly and you need to get out, but you also have a conscience. Slam that $10 bill on the table and walk away!

Tip #52

If you're on a dating app and have a bunch of people talking to you, you may forget why you stopped talking to them if they pop up again in your matches or message you out of the blue. In this situation, it's best to cut to the chase and ask them the hard hitting questions so you can jog your memory:

1. Did you ask me for nudes?
2. Do you have a job?
3. Who did you vote for? 

That may help you remember why you stopped communicating and prevent you from further wasting your time.

Happy swiping, people!

Tip #51

If you must wear a shirt with bae's initials, at least have some back up initials in mind, just in case they freak out. IE, Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift.

Taylor: OMG, you're creepy!

Tom: Uhh, I love TILDA SWINTON. Don't be so conceited, Taylor, GOSH! *wipes sweat from brow*

Tip #50

When you want to date a foreigner, but don't know any other languages and you're too lazy to travel: Canadians. You're welcome.

Tip #49

The REAL reason you should wait to get married until you're older: receding hairlines. What they have at 25, they may lose by 40. Things may not be what they seem! Beware!

Tip #48

If you find yourself on a really terrible date, go ahead and let the crazy out. Overshare. Tell them you have three pets and a messy house. Tell them you slashed someone's tires last weekend. Tell them you're a virgin with an incurable disease. Tell them all of the bad things about yourself that you usually let out very slowly. They will either get the hint, or think you're way too crazy to see again! 

Tip #47

Date someone from another country and of a different religion. That way, you won't overlap holidays and you can force them to come to your family holiday events with you. Oh--- and the whole "learning about other cultures is fun" thing, too.

Tip #46

Ladies: Wouldn't it be nice to date a guy that compliments your perfect brow shape?

NO. If he does, you're barking up the wrooooong tree. Send that dish back to where it came from!

Tip #45

When the person you're dating offers to cook for you, do one of the following:

1. Supervise them so they don't destroy anything in your kitchen

OR

2. Just. Say. No.

If they cook for you without any major mishaps and the food is good, NEVER LET THEM GO. DO YOU HEAR ME?

Tip #44

Some people have really weird, annoying voices. Don't date those people.

Tip #43

Don't give your last name to someone from Tinder, because they WILL Google you.... and memorize your address and work history from your LinkedIn profile.

Tip #42

Dating is super difficult when you're unemployed. And there's just no good way to work that into a conversation. Maybe put the dating thing on hold until you're contributing to society again?

Bad tip #4

Go on your crush's Facebook and like their very first profile picture-- from the early 2000's. Let them know what you're about.

Tip #41

Always be yourself. Even if you're dorky, awkward, messy, sassy... The people that are right for you will appreciate it and make an effort to be around you.

Tip #40

Going home with a guy on the first date to EXPLICITLY watch Parks and Rec with him will not turn out how thought it would. He doesn't really want to watch Parks and Rec, you sweet, innocent little daffodil.